Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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