I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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