Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
