I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
