shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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