So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i drank out of a bidet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
