I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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