There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
