You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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