hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
