booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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