my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
