im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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