Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
