So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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