ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
