Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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