that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
