youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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