i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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