You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
