i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
