This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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