she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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