I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
