The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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