I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
