there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
