chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
