i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
