he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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