Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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