is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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