Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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