You kept trying to hail an ambulance
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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