i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
