she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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