i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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