Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
