I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
