Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
