She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize