he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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