Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
