omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
