I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
