Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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