You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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