I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
