She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
