drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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