"it" just moved
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
