i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
