So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
