how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
