Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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