You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
