What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
