I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
