I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
