Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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