Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Banned from zoo.
Again?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
