How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i now understand why vodka
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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