Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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