Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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